Love You, Ah Ma

Few months back, a few of my co-workers had this discussion about seeing a loved one 'visit' them after they passed away. They said it usually occur within seven days. It's a sign from loved one showing that they are doing fine and that they wanted to say hello or perhaps goodbye?

Last week, you came to visit me, I don't recall much except that you were with us, Mom, Papa, Sean Ee, PCC and myself, joining us on our vacation. You always have a smile on your face. You seemed happy and we all enjoyed your company. I woke up smiling that you came to see me.

You visited me again this morning. I don't recall much either but we were riding bicycles -- it was strange, because from the beginning of our bicycle tour, it seemed like it was somewhere in the US, but we eventually reached familiar roads where Mom's house is. We were so happy that we made it almost to that ESSO gas station. You seemed happy and strong (I assumed as we rode for miles and miles). When we reached there, we gave each other big hugs and so proud of ourselves to have rode such long ways. Then I woke up.

I have this post saved in my draft for quite some time now. Didn't know how and where to begin. I didn't want to say goodbye because I know I will see you again -- when you visit me, or when I visit you. Either way, we will definitely see each other again. I do want you to know that I missed you terribly.

I remember when I was younger and used to stay over at your house and slept with you, every night I would pray for God to take a few years (a lot of years) from my life so yours would be extended. At that time, the thought of losing you was unbearable, still is to this very day. I would cry so hard and beg God for this favor. I never stop praying for this because I never want to know that you will leave us. That day came and went, a very small part accepted that fact but a big part of me still find that hard to believe. 

I know you are in better place now, at least from where you were a few months back. I am sorry we didn't get to spend much time together when I was home four years ago. I am sorry I couldn't be by your side. I am sorry I didn't call to check on you as often as I could. I am sorry for all the trouble that I was/am.

You are my rock, I wouldn't how to else to describe you. I think you were everybody's rock. You held everyone together. All you ever did was to ensure everyone is well-fed and happy. You'd go beyond the call of duty to do this and I didn't know how to appreciate that then, but I do now... You are so even-tempered and well-natured, I have lots to learn from you.

Please check on me anytime you want. I love you and missed you.

Our last meal together in this life.

I wonder if God really took me up on that favor that I've asked...